TS Motherfucking A

Jerusalem (1988)

Who packed your bag?

I packed my bag

Where was your uncle’s sister born?

Have you ever met an Arab?

-James Fenton

TS Motherfucking A

Philadelphia (2023)

Any electronics in your bag?

Yes.

Take it out.

Take that phone holder off.

Take your shoes off.

I don’t have to take my shoes off.

Why?

I’m 75.

You’re 75?

Yes.

Ok. Step aside through here.

Any metal on you sir?

Yes, on my hat.

Step through the scanner.

Ding ding ding…

Rescan him.

Why do you have to rescan me?

Rescan him.

Any soreness here?

No.

OK. I’m going to pat you down.

Pat pat patty pat.

Thank you.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

-Ghost Dog

Venus and Mars

Guest post by Robbin Caroll

Robbin Caroll. Photo Credit: Whitney Vale

The essence of his energy preceded his physical presence

He was unconditional love, understanding, and gentle strength

He was passionate, patient, and kind

His heart was full of tenderness and love, yet he was fiery and

fierce

He loved her like no other could

His fingertips ever so gently moving slowly over every curve and

inch of her body as he whispered “I love you, I love you, I love

you”

He knew the shape of her body, the essence of her soul, the

workings of her mind, and the Goddess that layed within his grasp

He knew her inside and out

He saw what no other could see

The deepness of her heart and soul

The beauty she hid within the cold walls of her delicate being

He felt what no other could feel within the ethers of her limitless

and abundant heart and soul

She was mysterious and mystical, his Goddess and his nymph

She was his map and he was her soul’s great expedition

He left no stone unturned and no crevice unexplored

She could feel his touch ever so softly as her body started to

tingle within the warmth of her femininity

Her body defied her

She dropped her sword and shield

Removed her armor

And gave herself to him freely

She exhaled in ecstasy as he entered her divine sacred space

willingly, tenderly, gently, and passionately

Together their passions erupted and their sacred juices flowed

into beingness

The two light beings joining became one vibrant light of love in the

infinite universe…

~RC~

Ulalume

Here once, through an alley Titanic,

Of cypress, I roamed with my soul –

Of cypress, with Psyche, my soul…

Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her…

And I said: What is written, sweet sister,

On the door of this legend tomb?

EAP

“Mr. Poe, why don’t you write your poems so that everyone can understand them?” He replied, “Madam, I write so that every body can not understand them.

My Soul She Shrieks

My soul, she shrieks and flings me down

Laughing maniacally

The wind picks up and lifts her dress

Teasing and pleasing me

All is nothingness, so she says

As she pins me to the bed

With a silver shaft of cold, cold steel

She runs me through and through.

BFB

“Mr. Bell, why don’t you write your poems so that everyone can understand them?” I replied, “Madam, I write so that every body can not understand them.

Saturday Night Special

Love Kills.

Once I saw her in the light of day, I suggested she might see a plastic surgeon.

“Listen, sweetheart,” I lisped, “Did you ever consider plastic surgery?”

Well, she turned on me.

It was awful.

I can see now why they used to name storms after women.

She grabbed my .38 right out of my armpit and proceeded to fill me full of holes.

By the time she emptied the special on that hot Saturday night, I looked like a rancid piece of Swiss cheese.

“Aw, why’d ya hafta go and do that baby?

This was my best dinner jacket. It only had one hole in it before. Now it has seven. I’ll never be able to wear it again.”

That’s the last thing I remember before I lost consciousness…

Elevator Pitch

Photo by Izhak Agency ob Unsplash

Two Lawyers on an Elevator

Oh! It’s you!

Yeah, only me…

Why didn’t you ever answer my letter?

You sent me a letter?

Yes…

When?

About two months ago

Oh… Why didn’t you call?

I did. You told me to send you a letter.

Oh…you fell for that one…

You bastard!

 In my case an accident, but you sir, are a self-made man.

Doors open

I’ll see you in court.

Answer my letter!

If Wishes Were Horses

If Wishes were horses I’d get on and ride

If trouble was money, I’d be a millionaire

If frogs had wings, they wouldn’t bump their ass so much

If you can dream and not make dreams your master

If two are dead three can keep a secret

If not now, when?

If traveling was free, you’d never see me again

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain

If I was your wife, I would poison your coffee.

If I was your husband, I would drink it.

Zardoz

A Poem

My name is Zardoz

I come from the land of Ur

I come seeking relief

I am in disguise

Yes, I have come to tell you something

I need your understanding

I want to know the correct path

Sharing a good laugh with you would be nice

I don’t want to be sad

When I have what I need I will feel Ok.