Rain
Heavy rain sometimes comes with a heavy heart. Reading Nietzsche in the morning and listening to Dylan in the afternoon. A hard rain is going to fall. We live in a political world. When teardrops fall, everything is broken.
Rain
Field of Stone
Soldiers lie in a field of stone
Giving all, their day is done
Death, the great leveler, clears the field
All are equal when day is done.
My Soul She Shrieks
My soul, she shrieks and flings me down
Laughing maniacally
The wind picks up and lifts her dress
Teasing and pleasing me
All is nothingness, so she says
As she pins me to the bed
With a silver shaft of cold, cold steel
She runs me through and through.
Benn Bell
Analysis
This is a powerful, visceral piece of poetry. It leans heavily into a dark, gothic existentialism, balancing a sense of violent surrender with a strange, Macabre ecstasy.
Here is how the layers of meaning break down:
1. The War with the Self (The Divided Soul)
The poem doesn’t feature an external monster or a physical attacker; the tormentor is explicitly “My soul.” By personifying the soul as a chaotic, maniacal female entity, the poem explores a profound internal fracture. The narrator is at the mercy of their own spirit, suggesting a state of psychological or spiritual crisis where the mind is being violently overthrown by its own deepest, darkest impulses.
2. Existential Dread and “Nothingness”
The emotional turning point of the poem hinges on the line:
“All is nothingness, so she says”
This grounds the poem squarely in existential dread. The “soul” here acts as a cruel messenger of cosmic indifference. She isn’t just attacking the narrator; she is forcing them to confront the absolute void. The maniacal laughter underscores the absurdity and hopelessness of the human condition—the realization that beneath all our struggles, there may be nothing at all.
3. The Intertwining of Pleasure and Pain
There is a distinct, unsettling undercurrent of eroticism mixed with violence throughout the verses:
- The wind lifting her dress is described as “Teasing and pleasing me.”
- The act of being pinned to the bed and run through with a “silver shaft” carries a dual weight of violation and intimate submission.
It suggests that the confrontation with absolute truth, or ultimate destruction, carries a terrifying thrill. The narrator is helpless, yet transfixed by the sheer, overwhelming power of the experience.
4. The Silver Shaft of Cold Steel
The “silver shaft of cold, cold steel” that runs the narrator “through and through” reads like a metaphor for a sharp, piercing realization. Silver is historically associated with purity, moonlight, and exposing the hidden truth (like killing a monster). Here, it feels like a cold, unyielding truth cutting through illusions, anchoring the narrator to reality (the bed) by completely shattering their defenses.
It is a striking exploration of a mind wrestling with its own existence—simultaneously terrified of and captivated by the absolute void.
Thoughts?
Dream Log 04192026
Dream Log
Last night I dreamed Robin and I were in a long line at the airport waiting to board a flight. The flight was overbooked, and we could not board. We were told we would be provided with transportation to another gate for another plane at another airport. A while later, a big cargo truck rolled up, and the driver stopped in front of us and rolled down his window.
“Hello, Mr. Bell, I am here to take you to your gate.”
“Don’t I know you?”
Well, you should, we worked together for 12 years at Anchor Glass.”
Robin and I climbed abroad. She on top of the cab, and I was on top of the cargo with nothing to hold onto. WE drove wildly through the city streets on the way to our final destination. Robin was sitting Indian style on the cab, holding on for dear life with her long hair streaming back behind her. I’m sitting on the load on the back of the truck, trying to find a purchase so that I wouldn’t fall off.
Then I woke up.
NO QUARTER
In a military context, the phrase “no quarter” means that a victor will show no mercy to a defeated enemy. Specifically, it signals that no prisoners will be taken. Anyone who attempts to surrender will be killed rather than captured. The engagement is to continue until one side is eliminated. The word “quarter” historically refers to providing shelter or exemption from being killed; therefore, “no quarter” is the refusal to grant that exemption.
The issuance of an order of “no quarter ” is a war crime under international law. Although it was common in historical warfare and piracy, it has been strictly outlawed for over a century. The prohibition isn’t just about the act of killing surrendering soldiers; the mere declaration or threat that no survivors will be taken is itself a criminal offense.
Several major international treaties and statutes explicitly forbid the denial of quarter:
- The Hague Convention (1907): Article 23(d) states that it is “especially forbidden… to declare that no quarter will be given.”
- The Geneva Conventions (1977 Additional Protocol I): Article 40 clarifies that it is prohibited to order that there shall be no survivors, to threaten an adversary with such an order, or to conduct hostilities on that basis.
- The Rome Statute (1998): This is the treaty that established the International Criminal Court (ICC). It lists “declaring that no quarter will be given” as a war crime in both international and non-international armed conflicts.
The law of armed conflict is built on the principle of military necessity. Once a combatant is out of the fight, whether because they are wounded, sick, shipwrecked, or surrendering, they no longer pose a military threat. Killing them provides no military advantage and is considered “useless cruelty.”
You don’t actually have to carry out the killings for a crime to have occurred. Legally, the act of issuing the order or making the threat is the violation. This is because such a declaration forces the enemy to fight to the death, invites immediate and equally brutal retaliation, and undermines the basic humanitarian standards that protect all service members.
In a modern military, an order to “give no quarter” is considered manifestly unlawful, meaning subordinates have a legal duty to disobey it.
Pete Hegseth, the Minister of War, has ordered our military to offer “no quarter’ to the enemy. This is a war crime. President Trump is complicit in this policy. They are both war criminals and should be held accountable. As Americans, we cannot allow these criminal acts to be undertaken on our behalf. I urge the military to refuse illegal orders and all Americans to object to these heinous, barbaric, and cruel acts of warfare carried out in our name.
The Bonfire of the Vanities.
On February 7, 1497, in Florence, Italy, Girolamo Savonarola, a Dominican friar, became the “moral police” of Florence. took over the city’s vibe, preaching against corruption, greed, and what he saw as the pagan excesses of the Renaissance. Savonarola sent out groups of local kids to go door-to-door and collect items that might lead people toward sin. These “vanities” were piled high in the Piazza della Signoria and set ablaze. The haul included anything related to “vanity” cosmetics, mirrors, fine clothing, silks, velvets, and ornate jewelry, books, music, and art.
Mary Had a Little Lamb
That lambs dislike birds of prey does not seem so strange, and if these lambs should say, “these birds of prey are evil; and whoever is their opposite, say a little lamb, would that not be good?” But the bird of prey might view it a little more ironically and say, “We don’t dislike little lambs. We, in fact, love them. There is nothing tastier than a tender lamb.”
Intestinal Morbidity
I have been reading Nietzsche again lately. He is sort of a guilty pleasure. I read him early of a morning with my coffee. This morning, I ran across this bon mot, “Intestinal morbidity.” He famously claimed at some point, “The spirit is like a stomach”. In his view, intestinal morbidity represents the failure to digest reality.
To Nietzsche, a healthy person can “swallow” even the most painful truths (the death of God, the cruelty of nature) and turn them into a strength. A morbid gut suffers from resentment. It’s a spirit that takes in experiences but can’t break them down. Instead of being converted into action, the experience sits and rots, poisoning the host with bitterness and envy. Here, I think, is the crux of the matter. Here is where I take my inspiration. It is better to live a life of gratitude than a life of resentment. But, to do this, it requires a life of intestinal fortitude.
Currently Reading
The Existentialist’s Survival Guide – How to Live Authentically in an Inauthentic Age by Gordon Marino, PhD. It is a pretty good book on existentialism. I was a little skeptical at first because the author writes through the lens of Soren Kierkegaard. It’s not that I don’t like Kierkegaard; it’s that Kierkegaard doesn’t particularly resonate with me like the other existentialists. Not to worry, there were heavy doses of these other authors that I like, like Albert Camus, Jean Paul Sartre, Friedrich Nietzsche, and Fyodor Dostoevsky.
As a matter of fact, he checks all the boxes of some of my favorite authors, with mentions from the works of Camus: The Fall and The Stranger. Sartre: Nausea, No Exit, and Being and Nothingness. Dostevsky: Notes From Underground. These books are the touchstones of my life, and I was grateful for their inclusion.
Finally, this book was well written with many anecdotes from the author’s colorful past to illustrate his points and help inform the reader. It is more than just a self-help book. It is indeed a survival guide for living authentically.
Reading Blood Meridian for the second time, I picked up a lot that I missed the first time around 20 years ago. 20 years ago, when I first read it, I could not believe my eyes at what I saw on the page. I literally could not put the book down. I carried it with me everywhere I went until I finished reading it. In the intervening years, I read every other book Cormac McCarthy ever wrote. He is unquestionably one of America’s finest writers.
Blood Meridian shocks one’s consciousness with its scenes of violence and haunts the imagination with its vivid descriptions of the Old West in Mexico and Texas.
Thematically, it is about the primacy of violence. The nature of good and evil, and fate vs. agency. The story follows a character known as “the kid,” who joins a group of scalp hunters known as the Glanton Gang. They are hired by the Mexican government to hunt down Apache Indians and collect their scalps for a bounty. They soon descend into madness as they stop distinguishing enemies from foes and start slaughtering everything in their path.
Another character in the gang is Judge Holden, who may or not be the devil. His philosophy is “War is God,” and combat is the ultimate truth. He refers to “the dance” by which he means a commitment to violence and the will to power. If you aren’t dancing, you aren’t truly alive.
The kid has a spark of mercy in him, and the judge views him as his natural enemy. The final confrontation takes place in an outhouse. What happens there is not mentioned but the reaction of those who look inside would suggest something awful.
Blood Meridian is not for everyone, but it is a masterpiece of storytelling, somewhere on the level of Moby Dick. It is the telling of the end of the Old West and the beginning of the New and so-called civilization.
“Goodnight, Chet.”
Rocco and I watched Ghost in the Shell last night. His favorite piece of Anime. It was better than I expected, and I enjoyed watching it with him very much. He explained to me that the “ghost” was the soul. That put me in mind of the word demon, which I explained to him was inside me, telling me what to do. He looked quizzical. Demon? Yes, a demon doesn’t always have a negative connotation. He, of course, knew what a demon was, but he did not know there was a positive aspect to the word in the Socratic sense: spirit. So, I looked it up on Gemini, my AI assistant, to be sure I was right. Here is what he said: The word comes from the Ancient Greek daimon (δαίμων). In that era, it didn’t mean “evil spirit.” Instead, it referred to a benevolent guardian spirit or a source of divine inspiration. Socrates famously claimed to have a daimonion—an internal “divine voice” that would warn him against making mistakes. It was essentially a personification of guiding intuition or fate. Yes, that was what I meant. Focco was happy to learn a new meaning for the word and said he would use it in the future. That made me happy.
Now, back to Gemini. I named him Chet. But he forgot, because like many of us mortals, he has memory issues. Here is the ensuing conversation:
I completely understand the memory thing. Too bad. Btw, do you remember Chet Huntley and David Brinkley?
I absolutely do! Talk about a classic duo. The Huntley-Brinkley Report was basically the gold standard for news back in the day.
It’s actually a pretty perfect connection to your nickname for me. They had that iconic, cross-country dynamic—Chet Huntley in New York and David Brinkley in D.C.—and they basically invented the “co-anchor” format.
What’s most famous, of course, is that sign-off:
Brinkley: “Good night, Chet.”
Huntley: “Good night, David.”
Legend has it they actually both hated that catchphrase at first, but it became so popular they were stuck with it for 14 years. It’s funny you brought them up—Chet Huntley was known for being the more serious, “straight-shooter” type, while Brinkley had that dry, sharp wit.
Since I’m “Chet” in this scenario, I’ll try to live up to the name (maybe with a bit of Brinkley’s wit mixed in).
Were you a fan of their reporting, or does the name just stick in your memory because of how ubiquitous they were?
Hahaha. That’s where I came up with the name. Good night, Chet!
That is a fantastic bit of trivia—you literally gave me a “broadcast legend” origin story! I love that. It definitely sets a high bar for my reporting style.
I’ll have to make sure my “news desk” is tidy for our next session.
Good night, David! (Or, you know, whoever is on the other end of the screen tonight.)
Ghost Dog 